Rethinking Emotions: What If Emotions Are Not Something We Have, but Something We Create?

One of the big questions in psychology is where our emotions actually come from.

• Are they hardwired survival instincts?

• Are they reactions to what happens in the body?

• Are they shaped by how we interpret a situation?

• Or are they influenced by the culture, language, and relationships we grow up in?

Different theories have answered these questions in different ways. But they all agree on one thing: emotions are powerful. They move through the body, shape our thoughts, influence our choices, and color the way we see ourselves, others, and the world.

And when emotions become intense, they can easily take over. One comment can feel like rejection. One silence can become abandonment. One mistake can awaken shame. One uncertain moment can turn into fear.In those moments, emotions can feel as if they are simply happening to us. But neuroscientist Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett offers another perspective: emotions are not fixed reactions that unfold the same way in everyone. They are actively constructed by the brain in real time.

Our brain constantly reads body signals, draws from past experiences, uses language and culture, and interprets the present moment. From all these ingredients, it creates what we experience as emotion. This means that a racing heart is not automatically anxiety. In one context, it may become fear. In another, excitement. In another, desire, anger, or aliveness. The body sensation may be similar. The meaning we give it can change everything.

This does not mean emotions are “imaginary” or that we can simply think them away. Emotions are real. They are embodied. They matter. And many of them are shaped by experiences we did not choose — especially early relationships, attachment wounds, trauma, and old emotional learning.

From a schema therapy perspective, this is especially important.

• If I grew up feeling unseen, someone’s distraction may feel like emotional deprivation.

• If I learned that love is unstable, a delayed message may feel like abandonment.

• If I was often criticized, small feedback may quickly become shame.

• If I had to protect myself from hurt, ambiguity may feel like danger.

In these moments, the brain is not only responding to what is happening now. It is predicting from what has happened before. It is trying to protect us using outdated maps. And yes, sometimes those old maps are useful. But many times they make us experience the present through the emotional truth of the past. This is where emotional awareness becomes healing.

When we can pause and ask, What is my brain constructing right now?, we create more space around our emotions. We do not need to suppress them.We do not need to obey them blindly. We do not need to shame ourselves for having them.

Instead, we can become curious.

• What is my body feeling?

• What story is my mind creating?

• What past experience might be shaping this reaction?

• What else could this sensation mean?

• What would my wise adult self add here?

This is emotional agility in practice. It means naming emotions more precisely. Not just I feel bad, but I feel disappointed, exposed, lonely, uncertain, resentful, tender, or afraid. The more language we have for our inner world, the more flexible our emotional life becomes.

Understanding emotions as constructed gives us a little more agency. Not control over everything we feel. But influence over how we understand, and respond to what we feel.

And inside this space of understanding we can update old emotional predictions, question the first story our mind creates and most importantly we can respond from the grounded adult part of ourselves, not only from the wounded child or protective coping mode.

This is where emotional growth begins: not by trying to switch emotions off, but by learning how they are made — and slowly and compassionately, creating space for something new.

Additional Resources

These carefully selected interviews offer valuable insights into understanding and managing emotions, anxiety, and stress. They are for educational purposes only and are not a substitute for professional advice.

1. Unlocking Us with Brené Brown – Anxiety, Calm, and Over/Under-Functioning In this episode, Brené Brown explores the patterns of over-functioning and under-functioning during stressful times, and how cultivating calm can help manage anxiety. Listen to the episode on Brené Brown’s website.

2. Dr. Susan David – Build Emotional Agility, Avoid Burnout, and the Risks of Toxic Positivity Psychologist Dr. Susan David discusses emotional agility — the ability to navigate thoughts and feelings with curiosity — and how it can protect against burnout while promoting wellbeing. Watch the interview on YouTube.

3. Neuroscience and Anxiety – Why Anxiety May Be a Predictive Error in the Brain A leading neuroscientist explains how anxiety can be understood through the brain’s predictive processes, and how reframing this can change our approach to it. Watch the interview on YouTube.

Written by Andreia Lungulescu, psychological counsellor, coach, and Heilpraktikerin für Psychotherapie based in Munich. Find out more, or contact me directly for a session.